Mark Papermaster is the executive who left IBM’s blade server business to take over Apple’s iPod and iPhone shop. IBM sued him, claiming that he’s violating a non-compete clause in his employment contract. Papermaster has countersued, saying that iPods are obviously not in competition with blade servers.

The wrangling goes on, but there’s a fantastic line from IBM, according to one source:

After Papermaster informed IBM of his decision to accept the position at Apple, IBM implored Papermaster “to consider the effect of his decision on his family.”

One can imagine nasal-voiced, reed-thin IBM brass deliver this absurd threat, only to be suffocated when The Papermaster calls upon the Ancient Spirits of Cellulose, the filing cabinets snap open, and they are buried in a shrieking whirlwind of printouts and reports.